October 31, 2020
OPINION: Let’s dump the kihi in rituals of encounter – it’s not our tikanga
OPINION: Let’s dump the kihi in rituals of encounter – it’s not our tikanga
By Atakohu Middleton, Kaiako (Lecturer), Te Wānanga Aronui o Tāmaki Makau Rau (Auckland University of Technology)
If you’re a wahine who often stands in hongi lines, like me, you’ll have had the following experience. A tāne comes down the line and does a handshake and hongi to all the men before you; the hau (breath, essence of life) is shared in the time-honoured way. He gets to you and extends his hand for the harirū – the “how do you do”. You do the same and prepare for the hongi by arranging yourself square-on.
He leans towards you and it appears that noses are going to dock on. But then he veers, tips his head sideways, and kisses you on the cheek instead. Auē taukuri ē! If I can see that’s about to happen, I might quickly mutter “mā te ihu!” (by the nose). I feel like a real tangata pakirara, but what else can I do? Even if the tāne gets the message and does a hongi, there’ll usually be a damn kiss afterwards.
Such a gendered response really rips my nightie – he mahi hōhā ki a au. It makes me feel infantalised somehow, that I’m somehow being denied the true expression of my tikanga by the tāne on the scene.
Kisses may not bother you; e pai ana tērā, kei a koe te tikanga. But I value traditional expressions of tikanga, particularly in a setting of whakanoa; we have already lost so much to colonisation. Why and when did we let English conventions of handshakes and kisses into our rituals of encounter? And why are women often treated differently by our tāne?
I whai mātauranga au hei whakamārama mai te kaupapa ki a au anō. Whether male or female, Māori have always performed the hongi. As Pa Henare Tait wrote in New Zealand Geographic in 1990, “the hongi is a physical expression of our meeting on a spiritual level. My wairua (spiritual self) greets yours.”
Tikanga expert Paraone Gloyne discusses hongi in the fourth episode of his popular podcast Taringa, placing its origins in the efforts of the atua, Tāne, to give life to Hineahuone, the woman he fashioned from earth. Nothing worked until he pressed his nose to hers. The hongi, then, reminds us of our origins and the unity of all things. Cleve Barlow, in his book Tikanga Whakaaro, reminds us that the hongi is a symbol of peace and kotahitanga.
After the British came, the handshake and kiss wormed their way into the hongi line. I can see two arguments here: one that our tikanga of encounter has been eroded by gendered settler ways, the other that all tikanga adapts with the times.
What do the experts advise we do? They appear to be on the taiapa. In his book Tikanga: Living by Māori Values, Hirini Moko Mead wrote, “Formerly the hongi was all that was required. Nowadays the hongi may be followed by a kiss on the cheek and always includes shaking of the hands, the harirū. Some iwi prefer that kissing is limited. The emphasis should be on the hongi.”
Hiwi and Pat Tauroa, in their book Te Marae, said, “Whether you harirū, hongi, kiss or do all three depends entirely on your feelings at the time”. The problem with going with the flow is that the other party can’t read your mind and the result may be an awkward hongi moment. Who hasn’t been headbutted by accident? Or got a kiss on the ear? Auē!
I have filmed numerous pōwhiri for my university research, so did an unscientific analysis of several of them. It appears that Māori men greeting each other on a marae (or in public) always exchange hongi, placing the left hand on the other’s shoulder and shaking with the right hand (or they do that bro handshake that looks like an incipient arm wrestle).
Between men and women and women and women, however, things are less clear-cut. Instead of doing a hongi, men often shake a woman’s hand and kiss her cheek. Women greeting their female peers may hongi and/or kiss.
Interestingly, tamawāhine greeting each other or women of my age (I’m 50) often kiss only; if it becomes obvious to them that I’m drawing them in for a hongi, they often look surprised. That may be because I look more patupaiarehe than Māori, and they may mistakenly think I’m tauiwi and uncomfortable with hongi. Who knows: there are a lot of dynamics to unpick around this kaupapa.
What you do, of course, is influenced by how you’ve been raised doing, the relative ages of participants and your own comfort levels, especially in this age of covid-19.
Still, I reckon that it’s time to clear up the confusion. Kua tae ki te wā me wānanga tātou – we need to talk about it. I’d like wāhine Māori to reclaim the hongi, dump the kihi, and encourage our men to support us in that.
Radio Waatea and its board would like to advise that the opinions posted are those of Atakohu Middleton and not the views of Radio Waatea, its management or its board.