If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know I take a very dim view of the antics-largely from men-who think it’s acceptable to troll, harass, and demean women online. It’s not banter. It’s not free speech in any noble sense. It’s cowardice, plain and simple.
I’ve watched, over the years, the disgraceful conduct directed at multiple New Zealand female Prime Ministers-across different political parties. I’ve seen the same bile thrown at female MPs, business leaders, journalists, and community advocates. The common thread? Women who dare to lead, speak, or simply exist in public life are treated as targets.
Recently, I came across a United Nations report that, frankly, reinforced what many of us already know but perhaps haven’t fully confronted: the problem is getting worse. Reports to police of online violence against women journalists have doubled since 2020, with one in four experiencing anxiety and/or depression as a result. You can read it here:
https://www.unwomen.org/en/news-stories/press-release/2026/04/reports-to-police-of-online-violence-against-women-journalists-double-since-2020-with-one-in-four-experiencing-related-anxiety-andor-depression
Let that sink in.
As someone who leads a newsroom, I don’t need a report to tell me this is real-I see it every day. I see the messages, the comments, the threats. And here’s the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, it’s our own who contribute to the problem. Not always directly, but through silence, through dismissal, through the old “that’s just the internet” shrug.
It’s not “just the internet.” It’s people. Real people, causing real harm.
The report also highlights a staggering gap in legal protection. Fewer than 40 per cent of countries have laws in place to protect women from cyber harassment or cyberstalking. That means around 1.8 billion women and girls-44 per cent of the global population-have no meaningful legal recourse. No protection. No safety net.
Now ask yourself: if that was your daughter, your partner, your colleague-would that be acceptable?
I was listening recently to Jazz Thornton speaking with Mihingarangi Forbes about her experience of being stalked. It’s a confronting, sobering kōrero and one I strongly encourage people to hear:https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/saturday/audio/2019033346/stalked-jazz-thornton
What struck me wasn’t just the trauma she endured-it was how familiar the patterns felt. The escalation. The obsession. The lack of consequence. And, again, the silence from those who could have stepped in earlier.
We like to think of New Zealand as better than this. More respectful. More progressive. But scroll through any comment section, any social feed tied to a high-profile woman, and that illusion falls apart quickly.
So where to from here?
First, we need to stop pretending this is someone else’s problem. As men, we have a role to play-and it starts with our own behaviour. Not just what we say, but what we tolerate. If your mate is posting rubbish, call it out. If you see abuse happening, don’t scroll past it. Silence isn’t neutrality-it’s permission.
Second, institutions-media, politics, business-need to take this seriously. That means stronger moderation, clearer consequences, and actual support systems for those targeted. Not lip service.
Third, governments need to catch up. The digital world has outpaced our legal frameworks, and women are paying the price. That has to change.
But more than anything, this is about culture.
We have normalised a level of hostility toward women online that would never be acceptable face-to-face. The screen has become a shield for behaviour that is, at its core, abusive. And too many men are hiding behind it.
It’s time to cut that out.
Not tomorrow. Not when it becomes politically convenient. Now.
Because if we’re serious about fairness, about respect, about being the kind of society we claim to be-then we can’t keep ignoring the harm happening right in front of us.
And to the men still engaging in this behaviour: it doesn’t make you strong, clever, or edgy.
It just makes you part of the problem.
#MatthewTukaki
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